Monday, May 22, 2006

the bronx, yes thonx

Since 1991, a few months after my marriage to a Bronx girl, I've been living in the only boro of the City of New York that's attached to the mainland. Perhaps this is my greatest accomplishment to date, perhaps not. I've given government service a try - twenty years to be exact. It's been quite a ride - roller coaster in many ways.

I'm starting this blog to share with you, my readers (hi mom!) my deep insights and profound knowledge. For example, I know of at least three places in New York City where you can make a right on red. Do you? Didn't think so.

I've tried some stand up comedy and I must say that it is not easy. This has given me great respect for the real comics out there. You need to be both talented (as in funny) and have the guts to go up on stage and hear the sounds of silence. I did an open mic set a week ago (I was awful). I had forgotten how bizzare the world of open mic was. About 80% of the open mikers (I made that up) are OK, with decent potential. Ten percent are very good, and you can see that they have some chance of making it in some way. The other ten percent are social outcasts or borderline mentally ill inidividuals who are given 5 minutes of fame for 5 dollars. They don't get thrown off the stage. They create an unbelievable amount of tension in the room - that's five minutes of solid, Grade-A tension. You want to walk out but are afraid that will trigger the nascent homicidal impulses in the performer. When it's done, you clap, to be on the safe side. "See, I clapped when you were done. Please don't kill me!"

Anyway, they're talking about building a wall to keep illegal immigrants out. One problem. Who's going to the work? Illegals, that's who! And they'll build it from this side of the border and it will be only four feet tall. Go figure.